When will...

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I am
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Lyrics that has always provoked something in me (though that “something” is still obscured). The point is, fundamentally, we are all Mulans, we are not princessess...

#1

I have 45 minutes to put my thoughts into words before i leave to buy pulut for ketupat.

Flashback, my 18-year-old self rejected engineering scholarships to Japan or European countries with a reason that seems ambigous to me now, a reason I told myself that I cannot deal with non-livings, that I cannot talk with machines all day, lie I told myself that I am a people person, pushing me to pursue my current course. 

Now that I am out of my comfort zones, out of my home, far from my family, I am learning myself day by day. How I cherish my me-time wandering in the mall, the many times I browse the airlines website, the fulfilling thoughts of losing myself in the city full of unknown people. That's me now. 

Human and its complexity, how do I deal though?